The theme of this month’s issue is “Celebrate,” and I am celebrating the completion of my first book, The Clutter Diet: The Skinny on Organizing Your Home and Taking Control of Your Life, available in January 2009. This article is an excerpt from the book.
In anthropology studies, “reciprocity” is a fascinating aspect to study about human cultures. Who is giving what to whom and when? Some cultures give frequent gifts for many social reasons, with lots of ritual surrounding them, and expectations are high for not only the gift itself but for the adherence to these rituals.
What is the anthropology of gift-giving in your family and social circle? We must graciously accept gifts for social propriety, but we sometimes end up with clutter as a result. What can we do about this “special” clutter coming into our lives?
Start at the source—ask for what you want! Many gift-givers who are close to you would be grateful for information about items you actually would enjoy and use. My family asks for wish lists from one another during holiday and birthday times. Your family may think this is horrible, but at least be proactive and keep a list of what you want for when someone asks! The goals for everyone should be to enjoy the process, give things people will actually love and use, and delight in the pleasure of giving.
If your family is open to discussing issues like these, try having a conversation about simplifying the gift-giving overall, especially during the winter holidays. Broaching this subject often reveals tremendous relief for all involved! Here are some approaches you could propose and discuss:
- Drawing names: Put all adult family members’ names in a drawing to determine for each person who will be the recipient of one special gift. When you receive the name of your recipient, you can keep it a secret if you think that is more fun, or you can have an open conversation about whom you are gifting. You might want to have a spending range or limit so things feel fair all around. Focusing on just one person saves a tremendous amount of shopping time and allows you to make that gift a special and meaningful one.
- Spending limits: You might decide that you each still want to give gifts to everyone, but you could agree that nobody spends more than a certain amount, such as $25.
- Kids only: If your family includes numerous siblings with many of their own children, you can all buy only for the kids and not worry about the adults.
- Pitching in for one larger gift for someone special: You might agree that all siblings pitch in for a large gift to the parents instead of buying for each other. My husband and his siblings once bought a new dining table and chairs for his parents.
- No gifts at all: You may decide that you’ll all take a trip somewhere together (a cruise is perfect for this) and forego all gifts. Or, you could all work together on a charity project instead of giving gifts.
- Small or homemade gifts only: Another approach is to give small gifts only, like stocking stuffers at Christmas. I know some families who mandate homemade gifts only, so that the gifts are unique and personal (and typically edible!).
Be an example with your own “Low Clutter-Calorie” gift-giving practices. Beyond your immediate family, there are still ways to reduce the impact of gift clutter. If appropriate, explain to those you are gifting that you feel we are all abundantly blessed with possessions and that you would rather celebrate your relationship by purchasing something more practical and meaningful. Here are some ideas for "Low Clutter-Calorie" gifting:
- Gift certificates to a store they frequent (iTunes gift cards are great for iPod lovers!)
- Classes you could take together, like continuing education, art or cooking classes
- Experiences, like a trip to the zoo or an aquarium
- Memberships to museums or to a website like Clutter Diet
- Edible gifts or a meal at a special restaurant
- Donations made in their name to a worthy cause
Remember, “the excellence of a gift lies in its appropriateness rather than in its value.” (Charles Dudley Warner)
Lorie Marrero, CPO® is a Professional Organizer and the creator of The ClutterDiet®, an affordable membership program that helps busy people get organized online with the help of a team of organizing experts.
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